He of the Alabaster Shanks

So a couple of weeks ago the AC in my car kicked it. It wasn't a sudden death either. It was actually a few days of me hoping that it was my imagination or that my car needed to get used to the idea of working against the summer heat. No such luck. My AC died on June 3, 2010. It was a terrible day, followed by two weeks of very heartfelt and moist mourning. This last Friday I broke down and did something I never thought I would do. I bought a pair of shorts. I know what you're thinking: "What's the big deal?" or "So what?" But understand that I haven't worn a pair of shorts in public in about fifteen years. Maybe even twenty. I don't think it was a conscious decision on my part to not wear shorts. It just never occurred to me. So, now I'm wearing shorts. Exposing my legs to the light of day for the first time in well over a decade. And an episode of Celebrity Deathmatch keeps coming to mind.

In this particular episode we see Hugh Grant vs All Comers. I can't remember exactly who Hugh fights, but I do remember how he defeats one of them. Cornered and beaten, Hugh Grant opens his shirt revealing his "pasty, white, British Skin" the opponent is blinded and Hugh wins the round. What does this have to do with me? Well, my legs haven't seen the light of day in a while. Let's put it this way: The Moon isn't the only thing that reflects sunlight to the point of illuminating the countryside.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Grad School

For those of you who didn't know, I am back in Grad school. I am pursuing a Master's degree in History. Since not everyone knows exactly how grad school works I will try to explain. Grad school is hell. I'm taking a class right now dedicated entirely to communicating in every way possible, including branding it on your forehead so you can find it easily, that grad school is hell. Now, some of you may be thinking that I'm exaggerating, may be, just a little. Let me tell you about the program I'm in and the classes I'm taking. The overall program demands 30 credit hours and a thesis paper in order to get my master's degree. Sure it's only 30 credit hours and if this were undergrad school I would be done in two semesters and wondering what the big deal was. Grad school works a little different. I am currently enrolled in 7 credit hours. This is considered full time for a Grad student. My first class is called Intro to Grad Studies and is the class I mention...
Read more

Job searching, ego blows and the possible loss of my beard

So, I'm looking for a job. It's hard to do that with the way the economy is and the fact that Tyson made another round of layoffs recently. I know, the economy is supposed to be getting better. That's what TV said and what the politicians said, and we all know that neither of them have ever lied to us. Among the many places in which I have applied is Wal-Mart. The great megalopolis of the retail world. Growing up I've always heard bad things about Wal-mart. Bad products, bad employees, really bad employers, etc. But I recently started talking to people who work there, or have someone they love that works there, and the consensus is that Wal-Mart may actually not be all that bad. So I applied. The Wal-Mart application process is...not right. They are much like anyone else: you can apply in the store or online. The actual application is the standard thing about personal data, employment history, education, etc. What they screw up on is the assessment test at the end. ...
Read more

Self Pep Talk

I like to think of myself as a writer. I've taken a few creative writing courses while in college. Won accolades from my creative writing peers. But I've never been dedicated to it. I'm great with ideas. Full of them in fact. But I'm not good with the follow through. For those not paying attention, it's been six and a half years since I've written a blog post. But it's not starting a project that is my problem. My problem is that I get discouraged. I'll write a page or two, or fifty, and I'll suddenly realize that my story sounds just like such and such author's three novel epic. Or, that my main character is such an epic douche that I want to kill him as soon as I'm able. For me this is discouraging. I want to be original, not derivative. I want likable characters that readers will cheer on, not jerks that disappoint through longevity. But more and more I've come to realize that ancient wisdom may apply here. I should be happy with w...
Read more